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My Mom passed away on the 30th of October. The doctors didn't prepared us and the last few days of her life were excruciatingly painful. I started to give her morphine shots. It was very difficult to figure out the dosage. It had to be just the right amount and that only meant less pain. The
pain blocked her memory and she didn't recognize us. Time and place got mixed up in her head. She hallucinated and she constantly wanted to leave and go to places. We lost her somewhere in her memories while her body stood right front of us. Around 7:30 in the morning she started to breath slower, the blood moved like a train in her veins. It's beginning and end was visible. A little after eight she died from pancreatic cancer.

I went to Turkey to support mom's fight against cancer. This was the longest time I've spent in Turkey after living in the US for almost 20 years. I realized Turkey has become much more religious and backward. My mom didn't need to experience her last four days and I wish I could have saved her from this great agony. There are no laws in Turkey that allow euthanasia; it is unthinkable in this Muslim country. That is why she experienced hell durring her last four days on earth .